I don't kow why I hadn't kill him at that time. I was dumb and thought that everything's gonna be alright if I played the game of a good girl. It wasn't the first time but it felt cold. I stopped breathing for a long time. I thought I'd die. No air, nothing. For hours under this cold water. No, it was maybe just a few minutes but I thought he'd let me die there. I pleased. Told I'd do anything for him. Anything. I just remeber his cold eyes painted with this ugly water runing down his head. A picture frightening me at night for months. Just a few weeks after they all were sorry for me. But they never understood my fear. I didn't speak to him for weeks. "Don't play as it was terrible, you damned liar" He told at breakfast when I ran out with tears in my eyes. Mom didn't understand anything I ever wanted to told her. In that moment I'd done everything to make her believe what he really did. The person calling mom didn't reach out for my hand, no. Why hadn't you? I never dared to ask. Am I not your daughter? So many things I asked in my quiet room hearing them having their fun while I sat there. In that moment I'd have run away. Just a fear kept me sitting there waiting for a nice word. If I'd only gone to my teacher my friend said. I never dared. He'd kill me I thought. I'm sure he wouldn't have but so many things he would do to hurt me in every way. Just hiting in front of my uncle and trying to hide the blue stripes at sports lessons. It was a feeling like spliting from inside. I wish it would have happened.